#BOYMOM here. It’s true, I’ve got all boys! And it’s been a wonderful (and sometimes scary!) ride so far. I am literally the only girl in the house. The kids are boys. The dogs are boys. The fish is a boy. And, of course, there’s my husband. I am the queen bee in my own little hive, and a hilarious but busy little hive it is. Being a mother of boys is so incredible – I couldn’t have asked for a better situation. Sure, I wanted a girl at some point, and I experienced a little bit of gender disappointment at first. I’m a girl, after all, I think I would know what I was doing raising another little me, with all the same anatomical parts! Right?! Well, surprise! Here are two amazing, rough and tough little men wrapped in mud and slobbery kisses!
Read on to see what’s it’s really like to be a #boymom….
Boys are obsessed with their penis
This really surprised me, especially as a single mother for my oldest son! The obsession starts VERY early on. I’m not talking 13, I’m not talking 6, I’m talking like…10 months+. My oldest discovered his ‘business’ at around 18 months, and my youngest discovered himself at around 10 months old. Every time the diaper comes off, they grab it as if it was their favorite toy that’s been lost for a month, and they’re afraid of losing it again! It is THE coolest thing to play with. It is still pretty crazy to witness – I remember I froze for a few seconds the first time I saw it happen and quickly removed my son’s hand, wrapping his diaper tightly around him like a chastity belt.
*Note: if you let them play with it for more than 3-4 seconds – you’ll be in for a crazy surprise because babies can get erections! I know, CRAZY right?! And we’re just getting started…
Now that my youngest is 18 months, he has officially learned to tear off his diaper and get to his penis one way or another. He waves it around, loud and proud while screaming like a banshee with one hand in the air and the other carefully clutching the family jewels.
They never stop moving
I get some serious cardio running after my boys. And we run – constantly. And there isn’t just running, there’s jumping off of things, leaping from couches and tables, and crazy, fun roughhousing. If there is ever a silent moment in the house – I know they are getting into something. The other day I peeked around the corner to see them quietly slipping clean disposable diapers into the freshly changed kitchen trash can while they whisper loudly, “This…is…Sparta!”
There are no limits to their imagination. They are wild! It doesn’t take even ten seconds for them to figure out new, exciting things to get into. Boys are absolutely hilarious. Especially when you see the Nutella on the wall…because it’s brown. Enough said.
Clothes Shopping Is So EASY!
Move aside glitter leggings and polka dot rainboots…
Clothes shopping for a boy is so easy! There isn’t a closet full of outfits that specifically match and go together like there are for girls, but a bunch of shirts and pants that can easily be interchanged. As long as I have the right size and did a load of laundry, we’re guaranteed an outfit for the day!
*Side note – I don’t have to worry about their hair either, as long as they have a haircut and aren’t growing a rat tail, we’re good! No fancy, time-consuming braids and messy buns! Can you say low maintenance?
Ain’t No Woman Like Mama
There’s nothing like the love a little boy has for their mother. I experience all the slobbery kisses, love bites, and crazy tickle fights. I am their magic healer, snack time champion, and rock-a-bye queen.
Everything that excites them or brings them joy is immediately shoved straight into my cornea, and shared with me first! I get to witness the pure joy they have for the simplest things in life. The wonder that I see in their eyes when they poke me in the eye accidentally as they discover what a fork can do, makes my life that much more incredible.
They eat the entire fridge in one day
My husband is always asking where the food went. We just went grocery shopping last week, and all the food is gone…You could feed them 3 hearty meals with 6 snacks in between, and they’re still hungry.
The bathroom will never be clean
I could bleach that porcelain throne every day and never truly be rid of the smell of pee in the bathroom. Boys pee A LOT, especially when their bladders are the size of a grape tomato.
I actually don’t know how big their bladder is, but give them a cup of water and the next six hours will destroy your bathroom. And by bathroom, I mean the entire room, BTW. The floor, the walls, the bathroom trash can, and yes, even the toilet ;). Oh, the joys of teaching a little boy to aim!
Fresh Air is like magic
My boys cannot get enough fresh air. Or dirt. Or bugs. I have never really been into the whole outdoor thing – especially when it comes to my kid’s slimy bug friends! But I have a whole new appreciation for slugs (and a great remedy for removing slug slime because it is nearly impossible to remove!), snails, and puppy dog tails.
Seriously though, if they are every crabby without cause – we just throw on a jacket and step outside for an hour. Any bad mood, tantrum, or bad day can be fixed with playtime outdoors.
Boys also need a bath just about every night – they’re always covered in dirt. So cleaning under their fingernails is lots of fun ;).
Their room smells like dirty underwear
Oh. My. Goodness. Gracious. I clean, and clean, and clean – but once they turn three, boy funk settles in and embeds into the walls or something! It follows them around everywhere and makes missing a day of stinky laundry really regrettable for this mom, haha.
Boy funk is a mixture of dirt, sweat, and dirty underwear.
They pee everywhere
I’ve been peed on WAY too many times by these crazy boys…in the face, on my clothes, in my eyeballs, and even in my nose. Not kidding. I don’t even know how they managed that one! They’ve totally peed on themselves in all those places too at one point or another, LOL. Fair is fair, I guess!
And they don’t just pee on mommy, or themselves, or a diaper. There’s the carpet, the bushes, their brother, the front yard, any tree, ANYWHERE! If they can, they will, with their underwear down to their ankles peeing in the front yard and talking about how high a squirrel can go up a tree….while I FRANTICALLY try to stand in front of them so the neighbors don’t see their bare butt cheeks and a never-ending stream of weed killer.
Oh, the horror stories I’ve heard! This one makes me a little nervous.
I’ll keep you posted. Or maybe I won’t. Depends on how true the rumors are, LOL.
Everything is a competition
From how many snuggles they get from mama to who can rip wallpaper off the wall while mom makes coffee – everything is a competition! Even peeing is a competition.
I know what you’re thinking – how many times can this lady mention peeing in one article? I lost count already, but it might come up again. Just be ready ;).
Potty humor is the best humor
My son’s favorite book series is Captain Underpants – and for good reason. There is frequent mention of potty, poop, diarrhea, and all the lovely gross things little boys find humorous! Farting and pooping are everyday jokes that evoke deep belly rolling laughter.
Fresh air, clean water, and farting and pooping jokes are all a growing boy needs!
We have THE coolest pet names ever. Batman, Robin, Rocky, Tiger, Sprinkles the Super Cat, and Ninja Kicks Butt, to name a few.
Planes, Trains, & Automobiles
I have found cars in my shoes, my bag, the wipes container, the toilet (facepalm), buried in my garden soil, the trash can, and the dog food container.
Stinky feet, sweaty heads, and beautiful lashes
Bath time and lotion can’t cure their stinky feet…
They sweat just from looking out the window and thinking…
And they have the MOST beautiful long lashes known to mankind. All of these are oddly endearing features of my little men that I’ve come to know and love!
So…What Would It Be Like To Be A Girl Mom?
On the other hand – what would it be like to have a girl? I’ve always wondered about that. I remember thinking for sure I was pregnant with a girl when we conceived Jax. But I was blessed with two sweet, sensitive, amazing little boys that I love with all of my heart.
Having a girl would certainly be different! I have two nieces, and they are so sassy! But they are also sweet, and too beautiful for their own good. Honestly, I think girls are much more difficult than boys! Are you curious like me? My good blogger friend Karen @ Mamma Bear Says wrote 15 Things that Make Being A Girl Mom Awesome! You have to read what she said!